Okay so I’m not a blogger.  A year and a month after the last post, I’m still losing weight.  I’m 40 pounds lighter even with a 6 month stall.  I’ve learned a lot about myself and how to care for my body.  I know protein is my friend and I loose weight better when I eat less carbs.   I started doing the HCG diet a month ago and there lost a majority of the weight.  Didn’t think I would be able to get through the day on 500 calories but I can.  However in order to keep my sanity and have a reasonable amount of energy for a three year old a husband and a full time job… I do anywhere from 800-1000.  The loss is slower however it’s coming off.  I also got a script from the doctor for Phentermine 15mg, the lowest dosage possible.  I wanted a larger dosage but the doctor was not hearing it.  I’m losing however slow it is and I have plans to keep it off.  My doctor left so I will be seeing a new doctor and hoping he will increase my dosage.  That way I can probably lower my calories to 500 and still have some energy.  I have the Homeopathic HCG and it has been working.  Even though there those that would say there is no hcg in the homeopathic brands.  It’s working so I will be using it until I get to my goal weight.  When I went to see the doctor he asked me my goal weight and when I told him 150 he said that was a good weight.  I will have to see how I’m looking and if I should go smaller.  I have noticed a bit of loose skin and I will have to start my surgery savings so I can get a tummy tuck.  I don’t want to loose all the weight but have a chunk of skin hanging around.  No bathing suit for me.  I’m happy with me and what I’m doing but expecting continued progress.

I’ve picked up a couple clients to coach and we’re making progress.

Well the last time I posted I was at the beginning my journey and working to get in a dress my husband gave me for an anniversary gift.  Well I got in it and that was grand.  Well now it’s almost too loose.  I received a pair of Old Navy Jeans (size 16) from an online friend.  We fondly call them “Traveling Shrinking Pants”!!  I was so excited to receive them and didn’t think they would fit.  I got in them but they were extremely tight.  So my goal was to fit them by May 16 and I made that goal.  Well now we are in the middle of  a July 4th Challenge and my goal is to be “close” to a 14.  I find that clothes are very motivating so I purchased a couple of shirts so that I have a measurable goal.  I’m still counting calories and measuring myself which is amazing.  When I started I only hoped that I would make it this far and here I am.  Four sizes later, I’m feeling good.

I have learned a lot about myself and my body.  I have lost a lot of inches and I will be checking my weight this week.  I went to the dr a few weeks ago and was at 242 I was a little disappointed because I had weighed in the gym and it was showing 219.  What a gap.  But I realized it is still lower than I was in 05 when I had my breast reduction.  It would be nice to see 230 something this week.  If not there’s always next month.  The awesome thing is how my body carries weight and seeing how people the same weight are two sizes larger but I would attribute it to all the toning I’ve been doing.  That’s the good thing about toning while loosing, you can wear smaller sizes.  I also realized that I want to work on mass.  I don’t was to be toned and fat.  I want to be lean and slim.   I could potentially be at 150 and a size 10 or 8.  I really want to get to 130 pounds, just to see what it looks like on me.  Which is more than 100 pounds.  I think I may have lost a good bit of weight because I was wearing a 24 and to be in a 16 there would need to be loss of mass.  Now I will be focusing on loosing mass and I will continue to tone so that I don’t loose the firmness I have.

I’m feeling bones and that is surreal.  I can feel my ribs and that is sooooo cool.  I feel part of the bones in my arms and can see my collar bones peeping through when I get dressed.  Looking forward to seeing them by the family reunion.  When I lay on my side I feel my hip bones.  I also realize laying on my side can be painful because there is not as much cushion.  One of my favorite things is my husband can put his arms ALL THE WAY AROUND ME!!!  I don’t have as much fat to lift in the shower.  It slips out of my hand and the first time that happened it caught me off guard.  I had to think about what was going on that it slipped.  I wear more dresses and heels.  I actually look for dresses and skirts when I go shopping.  When I flex my legs I can hit them and they don’t jiggle.  My shoulders are square and not triangular.  My arms are cutting and I see muscles.  My stomach isn’t as big and the rolls of fat on my sides and back are disappearing.  The one under my arms is almost gone.   I wear short sleeves more and they look better.   My neck doesn’t have rolls any more.  No double chin.  Another thing I love is going into stores that don’t carry plus sizes and I don’t look out of place or like I’m shopping for someone else.  I will NEVER forget the day I went shopping and could fit the bras in Victoria Secret and clothes in NY and Company.  That was an UNBELIEVABLE feeling.  All of my capris from last summer are too big so I have to get some things for the summer.  It feels good to say nothing in my closet fits because it’s too big and not because I’m too big.

I have seen how even now the devil is on the attack where my weight is concerned and it’s been rough but I have been victorious.  I know the battle is in the mind and as long as I don’t give up, cave in and quit I will be a size 10!!  My goal is still October 10 and I’m will be working towards that goal.  If it takes longer that’s fine too because I won’t stop!!

I will be posting pictures of my journey because it helps me to see how far I have come.

Well what is that about?  I realized that the Zigzag everyday plan doesn’t work for me.  I can keep a good weight loss range of 1200-1500 calories.  When I go above 1500 it slows my progress.  I checked my measurements and alas, only a 1/4 inch on my waist and 1/4 inch under my breast.  That’s it.  I couldn’t believe it.  I was so disappointed.  I like seeing an inch here and an inch there totaling 3 1/2 to 4 inches a week.  I could see my March 14 goal in site.  Now I feel like I’ve had a setback.  So I went back to the lower calories.

My workout today was hard.  It felt like I was starting over from the beginning.  I don’t know why because I worked out last week and part of that was running.  I ran a good bit and did some weight lifting.  There are people that work out three days a week but when I do that it seems like I’m starting over.  I have to workout everyday and miss only one or I will be starting over.  I guess that is what is meant about being consistently constant.  If not there will be no breakthrough.

I’ve been hungry the last two days more so than usual.  I find that if I don’t drink all my water I tend not to be as hungry.  But when I don’t drink my water I want to snack more as well.  So off to the water and workout.  Gotta keep going.  I have created hope and expectation in both me and my husband.  Can’t disappoint us.

It’s only Tuesday and I’m having some kind of week.  On a good note, I’m doing well on my eating and working out.  I stayed on plan on Super Bowl Sunday.  Baked chicken wings, only about 10 and a few chips.  Monday was more stressful at work but I made it through.  I actually went home and laid on my husband’s chest and was about to cry.  Then he was complaining about that bump under his chin so I was more sad so he took me shopping.  He loves his wife.  How bout that.  I was concerned about him because it seemed like the bump bothered me more than it did him.  He called the dr that gave him antibiotics and was told to go see the dermatologist.  I was upset with that answer and was demanding he go somewhere to get a second opinion.

I prayed about it later that night and God gave me wisdom.  He said go to the dermatologist.  I called the dermatologist that the primary care physician recommended this morning and they got him in today.  Well I prayed with my girls at lunch and we took the bull by the horns.  He called and said it’s a cyst and he had to be cut so that it could be dealt with.  He has to go back on Friday for something, I don’t know what.  I may go with him depending on how he feels about me being there.

The other note of yukkiness came when I dropped the baby off at daycare and was told if she isn’t going to be coming full time they will have to give up her spot since I don’t pay for it.  Well great!!!  Lets have fun this morning.  So we discussed that and decided she would go back full time.  I phoned the daycare and they were happy about that.  YEA, YEA, YEA!!!

I realized that it’s the devil coming after my commitment to loose weight.  I have been doing very well making sure I stay in my calorie count and getting my exercise.  So to throw me off he is trying to upset me by attacking my family.  I refused to bow down.  I beat another wall!!

Today for the first time since I started my search for my “HIDDEN SELF”, more than one person noticed my weight loss.  It will increase after this month because I’m starting to loose my pants…they are getting too big.  I plan to go to the gym after work.  After I spoke with my husband I was thinking about not going but that’s not an option.

I will keep going!!!  I will reach my goal of a size 10!!!

Life is always gonna test your commitment.  I have been making lots of progress and seeing the tape measure move.  Well I tried to get ahead of myself and almost created a mishap.  I got in one my overly eager attitudes and decided to go to the store and try on some size 18 pants.  Not good because I was just fitting into the size 20.  Of course I got disappointed.  I was feeling real sad and started some bad self talk.  I said to myself, “you can’t fit an 18 how do you think you will get to a 10?”  Then I was feeling like I was defeated.  Now let us not forget before I got to the store I had lost three inches in my waist, two and a half in my belly, three in my hips and two under my breast.  So I would say that is great progress in 30 days.  I got myself together and said, “I have made some good progress and am not about to talk myself into quitting I am not going to let myself go down this road.”  I recovered quickly.  I didn’t give myself room for failure.  Because in times past I would have quit and we home and started eating.  I have a great support in my husband.  He and I talked about it and he told me I was doing great.

Wall #1 DOWN!!!

I did my 30 Day Shred before work and then I got dressed in a flurry.  I got to work in time to get a good parking space.  It was a hectic day.  I went to the gym for lunch.  I got on the treadmill for 10 minutes and did some weight lifting for about 15 minutes.  I was walking out of the weight room and noticed a scale.  I haven’t been on a scale in a long time.  I had seen that scale a week ago but kept going because I was not getting on that thing.  This time I was walking past it and stopped and said you know what, I am not going to be afraid of the scale.  I’m making progress and I will not let this scale make me afraid.  On 1/3/2010 when I got started on this journey I thought because of the size I was wearing I had to be close to 300.  A month later I was thinking I was probably 280-275 at best.  I got on that scale and proceeded to move it to the right like they do at the doctor’s office.  I moved it all the way to the right and the thing sank as if it were an anchor at the bottom of an ocean.  I was like I must have been over 300.  I was about to get off and realized I was doing it all wrong.  I moved it to the 300 and it sank again.  I got excited.  I moved it to 250 and that was too much.  I was even more excited.  I moved it to 200 and that wasn’t enough.  I moved the smaller one down so it would be 250 and moved it until it balanced out.  It balanced at 247.  How cool was that.  I was off in my guesstimation  by thirty pounds.  I went back to the treadmill for another 10 minutes.  I walked for 1 min and jogged for 2 minutes.  I alternated until I got off.  I got back to my office so excited because it was a great day.  I eaten half of my lunch before going to the gym and the other half when I got back.  How wonderful a day I was having.  I finished my day and got back to the house.  After dinner we were talking and before I knew I was sleep.  My husband woke me saying honey lets go to bed.  I didn’t remember going to sleep.

I don’t plan to weigh myself anymore anytime soon because I don’t want to get off track with my sizes.  I want to stick to my plan.  We’ll see.

I didn’t feel like working out yesterday so I didn’t.  I was just being lazy and didn’t care.  Well I woke up about 5am and the voice in my head said, “you need to get out of bed and workout.  Go measure  yourself so you can see how important it is to workout.  Well okay so I did and realized that there was not as much progress as I would have liked.  I  got dressed, popped in the video and went to work.  I was so winded and struggled to keep up with the video.  Then I realized it was what I had eaten yesterday.  Not only was I lazy but low on stamina.  I realized that I was within my calorie budget but not as healthy as it should have been.  I have to be mindful what I’m eating because my body needs premium fuel like my car.  If I put regular fuel in my car it sputters and doesn’t accelerate like it should.  That’s how I felt this morning.  I was sputtering and didn’t have the energy to get through the workout like I normally do.

So now I have to be on point with how I spend my calories.  I also need to make sure I get my water in everyday.  It is my goal to drink two liters and I had started to slack on it the past few days.  Well now that I have learned what is necessary for me to get to my goal and be healthy I will be more vigilant about my plan.  I’m happy that I realized this early on so that I can get to goal and not be looking for a way to get things in order health wise.  Good day!!

Also to make up for the lazy day I did work out this morning as well as went to the mall and got my mall walking done.  I will make it go goal by 10/10/10!!

I am getting really excited about my progress.

I went to try on a brand new size 22 to see how close I am to my goal of a 2o by 2/13/10.  Well hot diggity dog, I got in the size 20.  I tried several different designers because women’s sizes are all over the place.  Of course I got in some with ease and they fit.  The other end of the spectrum, I put on some that were WAY too tight, cut off my circulation even.  I had a fit.  I was so excited about trying on the clothes that I was on the men’s side of the room.  I contained myself until we got to the car but I was pumped.

I did my 30 Day Shred and went to the gym for 20 mins of cardio and weight training.  I got home and wanted to do something else but my husband wasn’t feeling well so I went to sleep.  I’m thinking about increasing my calorie count to 1800 a day.  Maybe I will have to “ZigZag’ the counts.  Right now I eat plenty on 1500 calories.  If I go up it will be when I do the gym days and 30 Day Shred on the same day.  The day care owner is having boot camp on Saturdays and wanted me to join them but I may have to take a pass on that one.  I need some dancing workouts.

I have learned something about myself.  I looked back over my other attempts to loose weight and realize some things about the break down that I hope I can push past this time.  One, I realized that I would be going along quite well and when people start complimenting me and it puts the brakes on, I quit, gain the weight back and there are usually some extra pounds with it.  Then of course, I never had a plan for when the weight comes off.  Now, because of 3FC I have a plan.  I never really had any goals through the process or something to look forward to at any particular time.  I was just going through the motions.  Now I have goals, dates to reach those goals and a plan for maintaining those goals once I reach them.  This time is different.  I don’t even go in the plus size stores or sections of department stores except to try on clothes to check my progress.  As for how I will handle the compliments, I think the fact that I’m married now and not expecting someone to like me or love me after the fact is going to help me move forward.  My husband usually compliments me and makes me feel attractive and desired.  I have great support on 3FC and  it helps me on the tough days.  They understand the weaknesses I have because some of them have gone through or are going through the same challenges.

I still haven’t told any of my friends about my weight loss nor all my family members.  Two of my sisters and two nieces know and they have been very supportive.  This is a great thing because when the rest of my family sees me at the family reunion they will be shocked.  I will for sure be parading around like a peacock.  I plan to be in a size 14 by July and a 10 by October.  Of course, if I get there before then I will be elated.  As a matter of fact, I will be a hot mess.

I haven’t blogged in a few days because there was nothing to say really

.  Well yesterday was a GREAT day.  I fit in my brown pin stripped suit which I haven’t been able to put on an close in at least a year.  I was so excited.  I was getting ready for work and after I got dressed I felt so pretty.  I guess it was exuding from the way I was feeling about fitting in that suit which happens to be a size 20.  I plan to go to the store on the day before Valentine’s Day and try on a size 20 because I’m hoping to be able to fit in a new size 20.  By that I mean some of your clothes will grow a little or a lot as you grow.  But then too a size 20 can range in fit depending on the maker and cut of the clothes.  I’m optimistic about it and I still have two weeks of good eating and 30 day shred.  I have also incorporated two days at the gym at work.  A day of cardio and a day of weight lifting.  I am so excited.  I have been eating on plan and it feels like my metabolism has been kicked up a notch again.  I think it was the extra workout added because I still do the 30 day shred.  I bought weights and a mat so I can get the full benefit of the workout.

I have been measuring my hips, lower belly (the stubborn part) waist and under my breast.  I lost a few inches, 1 under the breast, 2 in my waist, 3/4 in my lower belly and 2 in my hips.  How cool is that.  I’m really feeling good about my progress.  I would like to see faster progress but I don’t want to loose too fast and end up with a lot of jiggly skin.  That’s what keeps me on point when I feel bad because the tape isn’t telling me what I want to see.

Well gottta get my shred in may post later depending on what the day brings.

Well it’s day twenty and I am yet holding on.  I woke up and 6am with the little girl and got her fed because she doesn’t care if it’s Saturday or Thursday, she knows we get up get dressed and eat eat.  I fed her and got on the computer.  My husband woke up and got his breakfast about an hour later and I realized I fed her but not me.  So it was 8:30 before I got my breakfast but the smoothie was very tasty.  I cut back the protein to half a scoop because I wasn’t really hungry.  We decided to look at the calorie count on our meal last night and we were SHOCKED.  Those sweet potato fries packed a whopping 390 calories and 5 chicken tenders are 800 calories.  Lucky for me I only ate 1.  I still had too many calories for dinner and it was great that I didn’t have the evening snack.   The leftovers were split between me and my hubby which was another 2 with half the fries.  So I’m thinking my lunch was about 415 calories.  Much more than I would normally eat.  I had to cut back on my afternoon snack so I had enough calories left for dinner because my husband was making lasagna.  It’s very good and hard to resist those 387 calories.  All in all with my day I have had 1497 calories.  3 calories away from my planned amount.  Now I see why it’s so important to plan your meals.  Had I prepared my meals for the day I would not be that close to my max so no snack for me this evening.

I did the 30 day shred and it’s getting easier for me to do but I’m not at the place that I’m ready to move forward to level 2.  I felt like I wanted to do something else in the way of working out but I don’t want to over do it and end up quitting.  So I will be waiting until I can at least do level three well!!!